Short Hilarious Jokes

Short Hilarious Jokes about Australia

In a warm and sunny country like Australia, there is a lot of time for jokes. On this page you'll find some short funny jokes, and if you have got a funny Australian joke, you can submit it in the end of the page.

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By Andy_Fitz

Short Hilarious Jokes: The Young Businessman
A young businessman had just started his own company. He rented an office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “How can I help you?”
The man said, “Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”

Short Hilarious Jokes: Blind Pilots
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.

The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.

At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start and the airplane begins moving down the runway.

The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering to each other and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

The plane starts accelerating, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.

When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, everyone starts screaming. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and says to the pilot: “You know, I have thought, if one of these days the passengers aren’t going to scream, we aren’t going to know when to take off!”

Short Hilarious Jokes: Australian Parrots
An Aussie guy is selling three parrots. Another guy who wants to buy a parrot walks in and asks, “Mate, how much are your parrots?”
The salesman answers, “The first one is $1,000.”
“What does he know?”
“He knows about 10,000 words and 500 sentences and is able to solve mathematical problems.”
“What about the second one?”
“The second parrot costs $5,000.”
“What does he know?”
“He knows 100,000 words and 10,000 sentences, is able to solve mathematical problems, and create computer programs.”
“Then what is the price for the third one?” the buyer is wondering.
“This one costs $20,000.”
“Really?” wonders the excited buyer. “What does he know?”
“This one knows absolutely nothing, but the two others always call him ‘THEIR BOSS’.”

Short Hilarious Jokes: Jet Fuel
Two mates, John and Mark, were working on aircraft at Sydney airport. They got fogged in and finished up their work early and were sitting around bored.

John said, “Mate I really need a drink!”
“You know I heard a rumor that you could drink jet fuel and get drunk.” Mark said.
“Really?” said John.
“That’s what I heard. Wanna try?”
“I’ll try anything once!”

So with that they poured themselves a couple of glasses and began drinking the jet fuel. They sipped a little bit to find it actually tasted quiet good. So they drank more and more and sure enough they got stoned drunk. The next morning John woke up feeling really good, jumped up wet to the bathroom feeling great like he was floating on air and he hadn’t felt this good for years. “Wow”, he said.

About that time his phone rang. “Hello?”
“Hello John, it’s Mark. How are you feeling this morning?”
“Mate I feel great, no hangover, no sick, I feel like a million bucks. How about you?”
“Me too, but I have one question to you.”
“Yes?”
“Have you farted yet?”
“Umm, no. Why?”
“DON’T. I’m in Perth!”

Jokes are the sort of things that are made to be spread (all the jokes here have previously been published in emails and elsewhere), and I can't see anyone claiming copyright on a joke, but if you find some fun facts about Australia on this website that you think shouldn’t be published here, contact us and I will get rid of it.

Got some short hilarious jokes about Australia? Send them in via the link above, and if they are good jokes and not too dirty, I will put them up.

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NOTE: This website is written in British English, which is the English we use in Australia. You will find words like "traveller", "harbour" and "realise", and they are all correct in the language used in Australia.

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