On this page are a few
Australian political jokes that have caught my ear over the years, and
if you have got a good one that suits in here, you can submit it in the
end of this page.
Australian Funny Politician
John Howard was on one of his trips to England, and decided to drop in
and visit the Queen. He asks her for advice on how to succesfully rule
an entire country.
She says, "I like to surround myself with intelligent people".
says, "Well, how do ya know whether your people are intelligent or
She replies, "Look here". She picks up her phone, dials a number, and
says, "Mister Tony Blaire".
"Yes, your Majesty". "If my parents have a child which is neither my
brother nor my sister, who is it?". "Why? If my parents have a child
who's not my brother or my sister, it's me, of course". "See?", the
Queen says to Howard.
Johnny returns to Australia and decides to find out if his people are
intelligent. He calls up Peter Costello and says, "Hey Pete, if my
parents have a kid, and it's not my brother or my sister, who is it?"
Costello replies, "Hmmm, I don't know. Let me ask Downer".
So Costello calls up Alexander Downer and says, "Mate, can i ask you a
"Ask away", Downer says.
"If my parents have a child, which is not my brother or my sister, who
"Ummm, ya dumb ass, if my parents have a child who's not my brother or
my sister, it's me".
A few days later, Peter Costello calls up Howard and says, "Well after
a lot of thought, I think I've figured it out. If my parents have a
kid, and it's not my brother or my sister, it's Alexander Downer.
Howard replies "No, ya dumb ass, it's Tony Blaire!"
Australian Funny Politician Jokes: Intelligence
Darren Lockyer, the Pope, John Howard and a school boy were all on the
same airplane when the engine failed and they realised there was four
of them but only three parachutes.
Darren Lockyer got up and said, I am
a sporting superstar and must live so that I can continue my career to
beat the Kiwis and the Poms in the tri-nations series. He grabbed a
parachute and jumped off the plane.
John Howard got up and said I am
the smartest Prime Minister Australia has ever had and I have to live
to continue to govern the country.
Then the Pope said to the school
boy, well I am old and have lived my life so you should take the last
The school boy replied, “No, it's ok, the world’s smartest
Prime Minister just took my school bag so there’s one for each of us!”
This site uses
British English, which is the English we use in Australia. You will
find words like "traveller", "harbour" and "realise", and they are all
correct in the language used in Australia.
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