Australians love to make jokes about their neighbours – New Zealanders.
Here are a few that I have
come across.
Too Many Kiwis
An
Aussie, a Kiwi, and a South African are at a bar one night having a
beer.
All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, takes off his
diamond encrusted watch, pulls out a gun and shoots the watch to
pieces.
He says "In Seth Efrika we have so many diamonds that we don't
need to wear the same diamond twice".
The Kiwi (obviously impressed by this) drinks his beer, throws his
glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says "Wull bro, in Niw Zulland we have so much sand to make the
glass that we don't need to drink out of the same cup twice".
The Australian then pulls out his gun and shoots the Kiwi.
In the Bar
An Aussie bloke
is having a quiet drink in a bar and leans over to the big guy next to
him and says, 'Do you wanna hear a Kiwi joke?
The big guy replies, 'Well mate, before you tell that joke, you should
know something. I'm 1.90m tall, 125 kg and I played as a forward for
the All Blacks."
"The guy next to me is 1.85m, weighs 115 kg and he's an ex-All Black
lock."
"Next to him is a bloke who's 2m tall, weighs 120 kg and he's a current
All Black second rower. Now do you still want to tell that Kiwi joke?"
The Aussie bloke says, "Nah, not if I'm going to have to explain it
three times."
Test Tickets
A kiwi was attenting a test cricket match In australia (Aus vs.
Kiwi), and was feeling a little crook so he went to see and Aussie
Doctor.
The Doctor said that he had some bad news and that he would have to
remove his testicles...
The kiwi said ay, no mate na get stuffed. So he went for a second
opinion from another Australian doctor.
He said the same thing and the same reaction came from the Kiwi.
So the Kiwi decided to go get a third opion from a kiwi doctor.
The doc said, Na no good mate, we gonna have ta chop ya balls off.
The kiwi then said, thank God for that, them Aussie doctors wanted to
remove my test tickets!
Note:
This site uses
British English, which is the English we use in Australia. You will
find words like "traveller", "harbour" and "realise", and they are all
correct in the language used in Australia.
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