Clean Funny Short Jokes

On this page you have some clean funny short jokes about women
Just like Aussie blokes like to get together and tell a few Australian jokes over a few beers, Australian women don’t mind to have a good laugh themselves. Here are a few jokes about Australian women, and also a few that Aussie sheilas like to tell (they are, of course, jokes about their men). If you have got a joke that suits in here, you can submit it in the end of the page.
Clean Funny Short Jokes: The Modern Woman

A woman goes to Centrelink to register for family allowance. "How many children?" asks the assessor.

"Ten" replies the woman.

"Ten?" says the council worker.

"What are their names?" he asks.

"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne".
"Doesn't that get confusing?"

"Naah..." says the woman, "it’s great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout "Waayne, yer dinner's ready" and they all come running in".

"What if you want to speak to one of them individually?" says the council worker.

"That's easy," says the woman. "I just use their surnames".



Clean Funny Short Jokes: Why Aussie Women Talk So Much

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day - 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men".

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

     
Clean Funny Short Jokes: Divorced Barbie
A guy is in a toy shop buying a birthday present for his daughter. When asked what he would like, he simply says "a Barbie doll".

The shop assistant looks at him and asks "Which Barbie would that be, sir?" The man looks surprised so the assistant continues "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie dates Badd Teddy for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Night Clubbing for $19.95, Cyber Barbie for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie for $265.00"

The man can't help himself and asks "why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the other Barbies are selling for $19.95?"

"That's obvious!" says the assistant, "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's furniture ...".



Clean Funny Short Jokes: Duties of Wives
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had Given their new wives duties.

Terry had married a woman from America, and bragged that he had told his wife she needed to do all the dishes and housework.

He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away. Jimmie had married a woman from Canada.

He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but The next day it was better.

By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table. The third man had married a Aussie girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, laundry and ironing twice a week, lawns mowed, windows cleaned and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, just enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and call a handyman.

Thanks for this joke, Rowena! I could not get back to you because the email adderss you gave me didn't exist!

    

Clean Funny Short Jokes: 40th Birthday Jokes
A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, "Doctor, my wife is turning 40 and I think she is becoming deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things."

"Well," the doctor replied, "go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply move about 5 feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness".

Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed.

He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He hears no response.

He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"



Clean Funny Short Jokes: Aussie Barbeque Rules

There is not a single serious Australian who could live without beer and barbeque.

Therefore it is important that you read the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion: Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine...

(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.

(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.
Important again:

(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine...

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women...

-- Clean Funny Short Jokes about Women --

   
Clean Funny Short Jokes: Computers

A foreign language teacher was explaining to her class that, unlike English words, French nouns are grammatically either masculine or feminine.

Confused, one student raised his hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?"

The French teacher wasn’t sure so she divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine.

One group consisted of women and the other of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their choice.

The group of men concluded that computers should be feminine because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories.

The women, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be masculine because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the
problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

-- Clean Funny Short Jokes about Women --