Aussie Bloke Jokes

On this page are a few Australian bloke jokes, and if you have got a good one, you can submit it in the end of this page.

Aussie Mateship
An Aussie woman didn't come home one night. When her man asked her the following day where she'd been she said she spent the night at a girlfriend's house.

The bloke was a bit suspicious so he rang her ten closest friends, but none of them had seen her. The following week the man didn't come home one night.

The woman asked him where he'd been. The man said he got a bit drunk at a mate's place and thought it was safer not to drive when drunk. The woman didn’t believe him so she rings his ten best mates. Eight of them say he spent the night there and two claim he's still there.

Bloke Jokes about Fishing
Kent and three of his buddies have gone fishing every Saturday for nearly forty years. One Saturday, the guys are fishing along a highway when a furneral processional drives by. Well, Kent lays down his pole, stands up in the boat, takes off his lucky hat and places it over his heart.

This processional is huge and takes nearly five minutes to pass. Once it passes, Kent sits down, puts his hat on and cast out without saying a word. Needless to say his buddies are floored by his actions.

One of them finally speaks up and says, that sure was a respectful thing you did there when they went by. Kent replied, it seems the least I could do seeing as how I've been married to the woman for over forty years!

Bloke Jokes - Bubba and His Two Assholes
Bubba died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body. So his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, were sent for. Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.

Daryl said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over and Daryl looked and said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body.

Gomer took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer looked down and said, "No, it ain't Bubba." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes. "What? He had two assholes?" said the mortician. "Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes.

Every time we went to town, folks would say, "Here comes Bubba with them two assholes".

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